When I was a kid, I thought FIRE was cool

When I was younger, I didn't have the best judgement (not that that's changed much, mind you). I think I was 12 or 13 when I decided it would be awesome to set my backyard on fire. Not that that's what my original plan was.

Here - let me paint the picture for you. My brother and I were given the task of pulling all the weeds in our backyard. It was summer, our mom was at work. So I'm 12 or 13, which puts my brother at 10 or 11. We're out pulling weeds, angry that we have to because come on it's freaking summer break!

We're done pulling weeds, and the prospect of bagging them and taking them to the trash is too much. We had video games to play, dammit!

I get this brilliant idea to burn the weeds. Duuuuuuude! We could totally set them on fire! Then we don't have to bag them and we get a show! Fuck yeah!

We get the lighter and light them on fire.

It was awesome.

It was glorious.

Until the fence caught fire.

Then it started sucking.

Unfortunately, I don't have a pic of said backyard, let alone a pic of it all ablaze.

But I made you an artist's representation:

See, that's me in my globular like dress running from the flames. Not that I was wearing a dress at the time. I was totally a tomboy and liked pants a tee shirts at that age . . . .but that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is that I SET MY BACKYARD ON FIRE Y'ALL!

We put the fence out quickly and buried all the ashen weed bits. I'm not sure if my mom ever found out.

Unless she reads my blog and then I'm totally busted.

Confessions of a Coffee Crazed Nurse

Today I'd like to talk about birth plans. What are birth plans, you ask? Well, I'll tell you! A birth plan is basically a, well, plan on how you'd like the birth of your baby to go. They're all the rage on parenting websites and magazines. When you pre-register at a hospital, we give you a birth plan worksheet! Hoorah!

Yeah, not so much.

But Cami! The birth of my baby is the most important thing ever! I want everything to be perfect! Well, no sh*t! Really, I thought you wanted everything to go horribly wrong. Seriously ladies, let me let you in on a little secret: the more complex or demanding your birth plan, the more things that will go wrong. You want a home birth with a midwife and no meds for you or baby? Fantastic! I'll see you in the OR with your emergent C-Section and will be whisking your baby away to the NICU. (this very thing happened last week, by the way).

My advice, be realistic. We know you want everything perfect, and believe me, us nurses will do everything in our power to make that happen. But, as much as you want to snuggle your new baby and breastfeed within a minute after delivering, it's not happening. Especially if he comes out blue and not breathing.

So relax. Play your soothing music, use the birthing ball, the bath, the shower, massage, meditation, what ever you like. And know that we really will do what we can to make your labor pleasant and uneventful.

True things I've seen on birth plans:

I would like no complications. (thanks for the heads up)

I would like my husband to 'catch' the baby. (um, no. BIG liability and too much can go wrong)

No c-section. Even if my life or my baby's life is at stake (sorry - if your baby is at risk, it's no longer your decision)

I would like the bed to be surrounded by candles and rose petals (weird - and no fire! there's oxygen lines in the walls!)

And now, some pics of me at my nephew's delivery! Yep! I delivered my nephew Logan!!

Right after the delivery!

Washing his hair!

Yes, I gave him a faux hawk. How could I not!!! He's so darn cute!