Confessions of a Coffee Crazed Nurse

The things that my patients tell me never cease to amaze me.

Take for example Jane, and her husband John (no, not their real names!). So, they're an odd couple to begin with, and have questions about everything.

For example, baby has hiccups. John, "why does he have hiccups? What does that mean? Is that bad? What do you do for hiccups? Should you call the pediatrician?"

Um, dude, your baby has hiccups. Why do you get hiccups? What does that mean? Should we call your cardiologist? Calm down. It's hiccups.

So anyway, John comes to the nurse's station with this deer-in-the-headlights look. I look at him expectantly. He says "I need you for a couple of things."

Me: Okay.

John: Um, can you bring a mop to the room?

Me: Okaaaaaaaaay . . . .

John: And could you take a look at Jane? She's peeing sideways.

Me: Uhhhhhhhhh, sure . . . . (I'm totally thinking WTF do you mean by peeing sideways?)

John: (as we're walking to his room) I don't know what it is. It's like she sits down to pee, and it just shoots out sideways.

Me: Riiiiiiight.

So I go into the bathroom in their room and ask Jane what's up.

Jane: I don't know. When I pee it kinda trickles down my leg a little onto the floor.

Now, let me share something with you. Jane is a big gal. Big. One of her thighs is the circumference of my hips. I don't know if you've ever been sitting on the toilet, slightly more forward than normal, with your legs pressed very firmly together. Pee tends to pool right there. Right where your thighs form a little triangle with your vag.

Trust me. Every woman has experienced this one time or another. And if you say no, you're totally lying.

But I don't have the heart to tell her "dude, you need to sit farther back on the toilet and spread your legs ever so slightly. See, you is rather ample sized, and your vag needs to be completely over the toilet opening. Not mashed between your thunder thighs.

Yeah. Very inappropriate to say that.

So instead I tell her to do some kegels. Seriously y'all. I'm all "well, your pelvic floor muscles have been stretched during pregnancy and delivery, so you need to do kegels to strengthen them. This will help move the bladder back into it's normal position, and will also help with stress incontinence later on in life."

Win for me.

Need some prayers

If you read my blog somewhat regularly, you may remember my post a few days ago about a delivery I did. About a baby that started out life rough and then did fabulous.
Well, I learned that over the weekend she went to the NICU and is having seizures. Not sure right now what's wrong, but I know the family would certainly appreciate any prayers for them and their daughter.
And if I find something else out, I'll certainly share it.

I love my job!

Yeah . . . . . so this is me being totally professional.

I'm very professional. Shut up.

So, many of you know that I'm an RN, and that I deliver babies. Very fun. I thought I'd share one of the reasons that I love my job.

Yesterday (Thursday), my last delivery of the day was quite exciting. Probably not the type of exciting that most people would, um, enjoy I guess.

Why?

Well, it wasn't the best delivery. Baby had her cord wrapped around her neck very tightly. And while mom was pushing, she abrupted. Meaning her placenta detached before the baby was born. Not a good senario. She came out limp, blue, and not breathing (which, incidently, is my favorite type of delivery).

Luckily, infants are very resiliant critters. I had to breath for her for 2 minutes and continue to give her oxygen for another 10, but after that she perked right up. And is doing great!

I love being able to do that!

. . . . .and I don't think the parents mind either!