Hmmmmmmm

Right now I have a love/hate relationship with blogger. See, I like being able to post shit. Random things, pictures, my artwork and Etsy stuff, ramblings . . . . .

But I hate that I don't really have a readership. There are a few of you (you know who you are) who actually read my posts and comment. Which is awesome. But really, it's like 4 people out of the 95 who "watch" my blog.

Which is disheartening. Ugh.

So every once in a while I go through this should I keep blogging, should I stop nonsense. Like I'm doing right now. On the one hand I'm all FUCK IT! No one's really reading this shit anyway so why spend the time?

But sometimes I rather enjoy writing my posts. Kind of like an online journal of sorts. It can be cathartic at times.

Like now. I'm all upset because I'm FUCKING BLOATED AS HELL!!!!! Seriously. Bloated and gassy and I feel like I need to take a huge crap.

You're welcome for that visual, by the way.

I've been feeling, shall we say, off the past couple of days. Kinda zoned out, apathetic, a little cranky and not at all myself. I've also been having some weird random bouts of nausea. Along with the delightful bloating. I'm really not sure why.

Don't say it's because I'm pregnant - I don't have a uterus!!!!!

So I'm all FUUUUUUUUCK are my new meds not working anymore?? They better be working because I can't find a psychiatrist who's accepting new patients.

And then I keep having this lower abdominal pain and I'm all NOOOOOO did I rupture an ovarian cyst again? Am I slowly filling my abdomen with blood???

And then I remember that I totally STILL HAVE OVARIES and I'm probably PMSing and that would be the cause of my moodiness, my bloating and all of that.

WTF, ovaries??? At least I don't still have a period.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, support our millitary.

Didn't see that one coming, did you?

I think I know what my problem is . . . .

So, yesterday I posted my irkiness about my blog (yes, I made that word up - you're welcome). And I think I know what part of my problem is.

My head.

Or, more specifically, the neurotransmitters in my brain. And now I'm sure you're all "WTF, Cami?"

Here. I'll be honest with you. Because that's how I roll. I suffer from depression. "WTF?!? Depression?!?" Yes, yes. Depression has been my constant companion for as long as I can remember. However, it got way worse after Ayden was born. So, I've been on antidepressants for the past 3 years. And for the most part, they've worked well.

Except for now. I've been on Zoloft (I'm on the max dose), and it's no longer working for me. I've been irritable as freaking hell lately, and my depressive symptoms are returning. So much so that I haven't been in the mood to sew or do much of anything. I put Ayden down for a nap and I take one myself. Not because I'm tired, mind you. But because it's easier to nap than to deal with anything else.

And if you're one of those people who think people with depression should "just get over it", I invite you to STFU!!!!

So anyway, I went to the doctor yesterday, and I'll be switching to a brand new antidepressant - and by new, I mean new to me and new to the market. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully I'll be back to myself and get my creative juices flowing.

Or I'll go on a killing spree when it gives me thoughts of homicidal ideation.

One of those.

Don't worry - I won't kill people. I say that in jest. How dare you even entertain the idea that I was serious. Shame on you.

Who knows what the future holds . . . .

Not me. That's for sure.

I'm thinking of doing a blog overhaul. Or, well, I don't know. See, there are times I enjoy blogging. And times (like right now), that I despise it. Sometimes it's just such a chore. And I feel guilty if I don't have a riveting post every day. Some days all I post is my Project 365 pic. Ugh.

There is a part of me that wants to stop blogging all together. Honestly, I'm not even sure how many people actually read what I write. I like the idea of my blog helping promote my work, feature other Etsy sellers . . . . . but I think if I'm to keep it up, I need to do more. Some of my favorite blogs make me laugh out loud, show me things that I'd be better off not seeing, and make me think. If I'm going to keep blogging, I want mine to be like that.

Right now it's boring me. So . . . . . we'll see. In the coming weeks there may be a major overhaul. Or I may decide to stop all together.

If you do read my blog, and have any tips or ideas, awesome. I want to hear them. More personal stories? Humor? Ridiculous shit? Because right now I'm leaning towards deleting my blog.