The other day, Jeremy was trimming his goatee. After I had just cleaned the bathroom. He always seems to need to shave or trim the same day I clean the bathroom. Without fail. So of course I have to give him a hard time about the hair on the sink. And then he starts trimming his eyebrows.
His eyebrows y'all.
I snicker at him.
Me: Nothing. You're just trimming your eyebrows. You're a guy.
Jeremy: So? I have some old man hairs.
Me: Old man hairs?
Jeremy: You know, longer hairs? Old man hairs? If I had old man hairs in my nose I'd trim them too.
Me: That's just gross.
Jeremy: If I had long nose hair, what would you tell me?
Me: To trim it.
Jeremy: See? I thought that would be "gross".
Me: My point exactly.
Jeremy: *shakes his head* I don't understand you. *makes a slurping noise and wipes his mouth*
Me: Did you just drool? Are you drooling?
Jeremy: Yeah. (sarcastically) My own hair makes me drool. *mummbles something I can't quite make out*
Me: Did you just say you're being spontaneous?
Jeremy: Yes. Spontaneous. My hair makes me drool and act spontaneously.
Me: Okay. Now that's just weird. And if it were true I'd be all 'dude, you're weird'. And you'd say 'don't judge me man.' And I'd be all 'whatever! I'll judge you if I want!' and then I'd throw a donut at your head. Well, a bear claw, 'cause those are stickier.
Jeremy: *walking away* I don't get you.
Yes, I'm truly that awesome.