Confessions of a Coffee Crazed Nurse

Monday, August 17, 2009

Confessions of a Coffee Crazed Nurse

Today I'd like to talk about birth plans. What are birth plans, you ask? Well, I'll tell you! A birth plan is basically a, well, plan on how you'd like the birth of your baby to go. They're all the rage on parenting websites and magazines. When you pre-register at a hospital, we give you a birth plan worksheet! Hoorah!

Yeah, not so much.

But Cami! The birth of my baby is the most important thing ever! I want everything to be perfect! Well, no sh*t! Really, I thought you wanted everything to go horribly wrong. Seriously ladies, let me let you in on a little secret: the more complex or demanding your birth plan, the more things that will go wrong. You want a home birth with a midwife and no meds for you or baby? Fantastic! I'll see you in the OR with your emergent C-Section and will be whisking your baby away to the NICU. (this very thing happened last week, by the way).

My advice, be realistic. We know you want everything perfect, and believe me, us nurses will do everything in our power to make that happen. But, as much as you want to snuggle your new baby and breastfeed within a minute after delivering, it's not happening. Especially if he comes out blue and not breathing.

So relax. Play your soothing music, use the birthing ball, the bath, the shower, massage, meditation, what ever you like. And know that we really will do what we can to make your labor pleasant and uneventful.

True things I've seen on birth plans:

I would like no complications. (thanks for the heads up)

I would like my husband to 'catch' the baby. (um, no. BIG liability and too much can go wrong)

No c-section. Even if my life or my baby's life is at stake (sorry - if your baby is at risk, it's no longer your decision)

I would like the bed to be surrounded by candles and rose petals (weird - and no fire! there's oxygen lines in the walls!)

And now, some pics of me at my nephew's delivery! Yep! I delivered my nephew Logan!!